Plus Size and Happy – Learning to Love Yourself

It has been a life-long struggle to become comfortable in my own skin. I have been plus size all my life, and had body-hate issues for most of that time, and have only recently found my outward beauty. Take, for instance, my weekly photo shoots. Five years ago, I would NEVER have allowed for pictures of myself, modeling clothing, to be put on a website for all to see. Now I do it every week and I really love my photo shoots.  See my latest photo shoot by clicking here.  

Granted, I still am not crazy about having my picture taken with thinner people, but self-love is an evolving state, and I know I have a ways to go. In this article, I will tell you how you can be plus size and happy with your body, both at the same time!

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What Do You Love About Your Looks?

Even if you really hate your body as a whole, there have got to be some aspects you like, or even love about your body.

Find three or four things you love about yourself. It can be that you like your height or your shoe size. Maybe you like your face or your smile. Perhaps you have beautiful hands, or cute knees.

Take your time finding your favorite parts. This is no time or place to be critical, so if you find yourself starting to berate your body, move on to another part. Go from head to foot, and check out every finger and toe.

My favorite aspects about myself are:

1. I love my hair. It has always been really thick and a pretty color. Even though I am getting gray now, the gray is coming in as if I highlighted it in. My hair is long and frames my face. It is my favorite thing about my body.

2. My dentist tells me I have nice teeth. They are white and straight, and I keep them in good health. Because of this, I have a beautiful smile.

3. I have always had pretty eyes. They are blue/green. Wearing certain colors makes them really pop. I love putting on purple eyeliner, that really brings out their ocean color.

4. I have nice legs. My husband always said he was a “leg man” and that my legs attracted him from Day One. I admit that even though my exercise routine is sporadic, my thighs and calves always look muscular and shapely.

Write down all of your favorite physical attributes.

What, Besides Your Appearance, Do You Like About Yourself?

Studies have found that when someone finds a person attractive, it isn’t only their looks that are appealing, but the kind of person they are inside, as well. Think about what you find attractive in another person. Maybe you like how polite they are, or how committed they are to their work or their studies. Perhaps the person is kind to animals, or has a way of seeing the bright side of any issue.

I wrote the following paragraph about myself last summer, in my article “How I Became Obese – Why I Want To Help Plus Size Women“:

“I see myself as a beautiful, vital, and sexy woman with an incredible mind, a heart of gold, and the mental strength to be the bad ass I have always wanted to be. I’m a rocker chick, motorcycle mama, 80s material girl, with an exhibitionist streak. I have a scientific way of approaching problems, and I adapt to my world of constant change.”

I also love that I am organized and rarely forget important details pertaining to my job and my family. I never lose my phone or my keys. I haven’t had a traffic accident or ticket in ages. I try to be nice to everyone, to the point of putting myself very last on my priority list. I am loved by my family and friends. I am funny and interesting, and I love to laugh.

There are aspects of your personality that I’m sure you like about yourself. Now is the time to brag yourself up, and write down all of those lovely things about you that you’re proud of.

Take Care of Yourself and Your Personal Hygiene.

Nothing makes you feel better about yourself than keeping up your appearance and making sure you are clean and presentable. Even if you are just staying home for the day, take a shower and do your beauty routine. Make sure your hair is always cut and styled. Have a professional mani-pedi, or do your nails yourself. Wax your eyebrows and shave your legs. Make sure your clothing is properly cared for, always clean and wrinkle free. Shine your shoes, or at least make sure you clean them often. You will certainly love yourself more if you look nice and smell nice, too. Besides, all that pampering will make you feel better too.

Straighten Up and Walk With Confidence

Slouching makes you feel like a slouch! If you sit up straight and stand up straight, you project an air of confidence, even if you don’t internally feel it. Moping around with your face toward the ground will make you feel grumpy and moody. Putting on a happy face and trying to project a good outlook not only makes you look better to others, but makes you feel better about yourself, too.

Reaffirm.

Look yourself in the mirror every day, and tell that person you see that he or she is beautiful and deserves the very best treatment possible. Tell yourself that you love that person in the mirror. Soon it will become second nature to do so, and your thoughts and deeds will reflect that affirmation.

Eat Right

Have respect for that wonderful self you see in the mirror. Feed it only the best fruit and vegetables, whole grains and lean meets, and reject the junk food and preservatives. Treat yourself as you would treat someone you love. Feed that person good food and plenty of water.

Exercise

Start slow and build yourself up gradually to a routine where you are exercising two to three hours per week. (Of course check with your doctor before starting an exercise regimen). While you are exercising, remind yourself of the wonderful things your body can do. Your body is a remarkable conglomeration of inter-working systems that allow you to walk, talk, work, play, read, learn, drive, cook, and sleep. Look at all the things it can do! Isn’t it great to have a body that can do all of that? Celebrate that body by allowing it to move and build itself up. Change your exercise mantra to “I exercise….because I can!”

Choose Good Clothing

This is right up my alley, being the clothes horse that I am. Find apparel that makes you feel confident. Avoid clothing that makes you feel cheap or slutty. Get rid of clothing that makes you feel frumpy and dumpy. Get rid of stained or smelly items. Repair rips and tears if you can. You deserve better. Find clothing that helps you respect yourself. Dress nicer than you feel at the moment. Dressing nice will make you feel like you are worth it.

Pick Something To Improve

Even if we love our bodies completely, it is healthy to realize that there is always room for improvement. So pick something, only ONE thing, and work on it. And track your progress. Nothing gives you a boost in your self-esteem like seeing forward progress and success, and actually seeing that there can be GOOD change going on in your life, however small. So maybe decide you want clearer skin or to lose the belly fat, or to quit biting your nails. Take the steps to make it happen, and measure your results.

Don’t Compare Yourself to Others

Everyone has their own issues. Just because your friend is as thin as a rail doesn’t mean you have to be. You are you, with your own set of circumstances that made you the way you are. You are working to make yourself the best YOU you can be, not trying to be someone else.

Also, we need to look at other people as icebergs. What we see on the surface is only a fraction of the ice hidden under the water. We cannot fathom the true thoughts and inner feelings of another person. There is always WAY more to a person than what meets the eye. So comparing ourselves to others is not even possible, because we can’t know everything about that person. Just because a person is skinny does not mean she is happy.

Don’t Determine Your Success by the Number on the Scales

Quit weighing yourself. If you keep doing your daily routine of eating right, exercising, and loving yourself, you can let that scales number be what it is. There are thousands of little successes you have in a day that have nothing to do with how much you weigh. Celebrate those.

I have determined that I will only weigh at the doctor’s office and that I won’t look at the number. I will let the doctor worry about the number. If I’m doing everything I’m supposed to do on a daily basis, the number on the scales will take care of itself. And so what if that number never goes down. If my oxygen, blood pressure, temperature, heart rate, and blood sugar and cholesterol all come out good, then I’m good, and can’t ask for better.

Turn Around Your Self-Talk

We are not crazy. But we all have those little voices in our heads that yack yack yack all the time. Some would call it “our thoughts.”

As a working mother years ago, I always had a million thoughts going through my head, keeping track of each kid’s activities, keeping my husband on schedule, running a household, doing my job, but also keeping up the self talk that goes on 24/7. “You’re fat. You’re Ugly. You will never be good enough. You are worthless. You don’t deserve to be happy.” And on and on it would go. When I went to therapy, I learned to become aware of that batch of unconscious thoughts. My therapist had me wear a rubber band around my wrist. When I caught myself making disparaging self-talk, I was to snap the rubber band on my wrist. It hurt a little, but each time I did that, it became more and more obvious to me that I was really talking myself down. I learned to catch myself and turn the talk into “You are beautiful. You are the perfect size. You are a good person. You are worthy of everything good that life has to offer. You deserve infinite amounts of happiness.” It has surely made a difference in my life, and I can honestly say, my self-talk is much improved.

Create an Attitude of Thankfulness

Look how lucky you are! You have so much! There are people on this earth that don’t have a fraction of what you have. Think of the starving, the homeless, the sick, the imprisoned, the abused, and the lonely. You have a roof over your head and food on the table. You have a body that can work and pay the bills. You have friends and family around you. Practice being grateful for all that you have. Isn’t there a song called “Count Your Blessings”? Name them one by one. When you focus on what you DO have, rather than what you DON’T have, you develop an attitude of gratefulness, and you worry less about feeling sorry for yourself.

In Conclusion

As you can see, being happy with yourself takes work. But it is work worth spent to start loving yourself and the skin you are in. Loving yourself can be the best gift you give to the world, for if you love yourself, loving others becomes much easier. It’s time to put yourself first. You can take better care of others if you are taking care of yourself. So get in front of that mirror today and love what you see, including all of the perceived flaws. For you are YOU. You can be plus size and happy too.

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Please add your comments and questions below, and thank you so much for reading!

references:

https://www.bustle.com/articles/16847-8-ways-to-feel-better-about-your-body-right-this-minute

https://m.wikihow.com/Be-Happy-With-Your-Body